回答をリクエストさせていただきます。自由英作文の添削をお願いします。 次の問に対して８０語程度…

リクエストいただき、有り難うございます。

I am disagree with the idea of reducing the regular school week from
6 to 5 days.

(1) disagree は、動詞です。am disagree → disagree
(2) reducing the regular school week from 6 to 5 days
→ the above-mentioned reduction「上記の減少」でも十分に分かると思います。

Of course, children can save time which they can use as they like. For
example, they can read books or play the piano.

(1) children can save time which they can use as they like. For example,
they can read books or play the piano.
→ if the regular school week is shorten, children can have time for what
they are interested in; for example, reading books, playing piano, and so on.
＊「学校の登校日数が短縮されれば」を入れた方が分かり易いです。

However, most children tend to be idle. If they save time, they would play
video games or read comics.

(1) However, → In such case,
(2) most より、many の方がマイルドです。
(3) idle. If they save time, they → idle, because they
(4) play video games or read comics → play video games, read comics or
do others
＊ビデオゲームをすることや漫画を読むだけでは少ないと思います。

They wouldn’t use time usefully.

(1) They → That is, they
＊That is, は、「つまり」です。
(2) usefully → effectively

Therefore, I conclude that schools should force children to study and
lead regular lives.

(1) Therefore, I conclude that → In conclusion, I think
(2) schools → teachers
(3) study → study even on Saturday
＊「土曜日でさえも」を加えた方が良いでしょう。
(4) lead regular lives → lead them to regular lives
「子供たちに規則正しい生活をさせる」